This is not a blog

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

ice machine is frozen 

ice machine is frozen. that is not the blog. that is me. i am bitterly realizing, a few moments before firing up this browser, that there are some feelings i can never have. there are some states i can never have. there are some outlooks i can never show. it is surprising how this whole thing is staying with me now matter how old i get. ok, that was not the issue here, but "time" is supposed to change everything. that's the rule. yet here i am. frozen as hard as a stone.

ok, this is not a comment for you out there to read. this will be a reminder for me, if i happen to read this blog later. don't i realize the clear relationship between certain hollow feelings and the [surprisingly hopeless] thought impulses? ok i have to post this now for i'm not in the mood to make a happy conservative ending for this one... fucking whatever.



p.s. i didn't change from me even when i wrote this post. i would have written this in the same exact way, no matter how i'd tried to "sound". this is full of me. my life is full of me. i am bounded by me.